Specifically we went to Costco.
Let me start by saying, just... "wow". If you really want to feel overwhelmed or overstimulated, the appropriate venue isn't a rock concert or NFL stadium, it's Costco. The human circus is in full-effect, with everyone showcasing their unique talents and abilities:
- The mom juggling three wailing kids while pushing a metric ton of groceries in her cart.
- The middle aged guy who makes direct eye contact with you for 50 feet and still inevitably plows his cart into yours like he never saw you coming, and then is completely astonished
- The elderly couple making their weekly outing to a big-box volume merchandiser to buy ONE singular item
So Em, Adin and I made our first pilgrimage to Costco as a little fam, no doubt to become our own extension of the sideshow.
I have been to grocery clubs many times. But never has this task carried such gravity. Usually I had gone in to purchase as much lunchmeat, bread, pasta and sauce that would sustain life while leaving a large stash of dough for "refreshments" on Snowriders Club trips. This time, I went with two very different goals in mind. The first being to show respect to my girlfriend and entertain she and her son's wants/needs in food choices (if I had it my way, I would load up on Cheerios, Clif Bars, and turkey burgers and call it good). The second goal was to get in and out, quick as possible, before going "critical mass" and wigging out from all the other people in our space.
The real draw for the rabid crowds is that big-boxers do an incredible job at making you feel like you cannot pass up an amazing deal at that specific moment in time. They are like the car dealers of things you put in your mouth. Cruise down any isle and you can hear the shrill cries of one spouse to another, extolling their great finds:
"Honey, Honey! Jesus they have 20lb bags of Washington apples for $7.49!"
"Dear, do you think we need the 250 or 450 count box of gallon-size ziplock freezer bags?"
"Jill, what decade do you think we'll be in by the time we're through this storage-locker sized box of Bisquick?"
Though I make casual fun while I'm sitting here by myself, I admit we were there for the same reason. We sought great deals for large quantities of the things we use every day. Still, through the entire experience I was pretty much picturing...
As we shopped, I was nervous that my structured buying habits, dialed in from years of being single and eating from a functional standpoint, would clash with Emily's sheer excitement to look at all the options. I had really wanted to make a recovery mission of this, but the more time we spent going through the seemingly daunting process, the more I realized every part of it had become what I thought gathering food should be. I was spending time bonding with my new fam, learning about their likes and dislikes, making compromises, joking and laughing, and thinking about the meals we would make together.
By the time we reached the final few miles of our shopping marathon, I noticed that most of the crowd had receded. We were then one of only a few remaining crews in the place, and like a calm beach after a hurricane dare I say, it was almost... pleasant. We checked out at a friendly younger guy's aisle while chatting it up with an older woman who wore weightlifter's gloves. Flash the receipt to the door-checkers and BAM, done. Back to the car to dock our cargo in the hold and head back home.
I consider our first family trip to the store to be a success.
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